In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
