doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
