I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
