im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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