Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
