his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
