I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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