my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
