I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
