I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
