I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
