She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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