He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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