The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
