I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you had me at cake vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
