i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
