Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Randomize
