Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
