I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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