Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
