then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
