based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
50% drunk capacity currently
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
