You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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