I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i've created a new STD.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
