there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
