when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
