Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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