We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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