Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
