so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
