You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
