I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
