i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
