I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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