My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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