it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
