is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
