How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
