There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
home. puking in laundry basket.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
