Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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