yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
