That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
