I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
