Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
