im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
