I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
