A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
