Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
