you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
