Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
