Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
