wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
