Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm always down for nudity.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
